Live cause I won't kill myself

It's tough to feel half dead every day. I'm at a really low point because I didn't go out in the rain to get my Synthroid refill. I don't want to be sick anymore, but I don't get a say in this.

Some of the time, I wish the uctd would just differentiate already so I can get on with the dying. I'm sick of this living limbo where I feel like I'm dying, but I'm only terribly ill. I'll never be healthy again. Like the Creed song, what's this life for?

I drag myself up out of bed everyday exhausted. The fatigue is horrible. I haven't had a pain free moment in so many years I've forgotten what they feel like. I swell, I break out in rashes, I flare so bad that I fear my internal organs would get damaged if not for tapered dosages of Prednisone at those times. At the worst moments, I'm not sure why I'm still here nor do I want to be.

At better moments, I'd crawl through fire to live. That's my problem. I want to live; I just don't want my life to be like this.

Out of thyroid supplement

It's days like this that my life feels awful. I ran out, and it's the weekend, so I have to wait until Monday. Can I cry now? Thyroid hormone is necessary to function. In fact, low enough levels can kill a person. It's my fault for being so sick that I didn't leave the house in the rain to go get some. Ok, enough sarcasm.